Monad app.
Dec. 23rd, 2014 12:46 am OOC Information
Robin was a quiet girl before all that happened to her, but such events can't happen without changing a person irrevocably. Quietness turned to stoicism, as Robin became careful to show her emotions to anyone around her. She is still capable of smiling if she's putting on an act to keep from being discovered, but Robin's guard hasn't been down since she left her homeland. She sleeps with one eye open, doesn't trust anyone, and only stays in one place for a few days at a time, out of fear of being recognized. She's already been sold out by a few people in the short months since she left home, and with each incident her mistrust toward strangers has grown. She's even been forced to take another life already, despite being so young. She's become - or she's trying to become - cold and hard, so as to better survive in a world that would only see her dead.
She still cries sometimes, when no one is looking. She still laughs sometimes too, although only because Saul told her it would help her through the tears. She hasn't laughed genuinely in a long time. She wants to be stoic, to not let anything get to her, but Robin is still young, and she's still a few years away from truly pulling that off just yet.
Despite all this, Robin still has plans for the future. She wants to live, so that the Scholars of Ohara may continue to exist as an organization. She wants to study the Poneglyphs, as her mother did before her, and to discover the secret history of her world. Robin even hopes - almost despite herself, that she will one day meet the friends that Saul promised were out there for her, although Robin is beginning to lose hope on that last one, if she were honest with herself.
All-in-all, Robin is a young girl who has gone through more than anyone her age should ever have to go through, and it's forced her to become strong. She's got a tough life ahead of her, and it seems like everyone in the world is against her, but Robin is absolutely determined to live it as best she can and to accomplish her goals.
Which, of course, is why it's going to crush her when she finds out that she's dead.
Powers/Abilities: Robin's abilities come in 3 parts:
First and foremost is her intellect. Robin is still a child, but there's little doubt that she's a genius, particularly in the areas of language and history. She taught herself how to read the poneglyphs (a rare and incredibly illegal skill) at a young age, and without the help of a teacher or utor. Furthermore, she passed her archaeologist's exam - a test intended for adults - at the age of 8, and as such she is officially a archaeologist of Ohara.
The second noteworthy skill is her ability as an escape artist. Throughout the years, Robin will become cornered or captured by the military or other unfriendly groups many times, but she will always escape. It's something she becomes somewhat notorious for, and while this ability is clearly still developing at this point in her life, Robin has a lot of potential in this area.
The final, and most important ability Robin has are the powers granted to her by eating the Flower Flower Fruit. To put it simply, Robin can create copies of her body parts on any surface within a certain (currently unspecified) range of her body. The only rules this seems to follow are that the surface has to be solid and that she must know where the surface is. The copied body parts are usually arms, but she can technically "blossom" any body part on any surface - including fully functional eyes and ears. This can be extraordinarily useful in many ways, but if the copied body part becomes hurt, Robin feels the injury on her real body as well.
It's worth noting, however, that 8-year-old Robin is not a master of the Flower Flower Fruit yet. She hasn't come up with the complicated submission holds that her adult self has become known for. Furthermore, creating this many body parts at once takes quite a bit of concentration. As an adult, Robin crosses her arms to concentrate on the body parts she's creating without giving herself away too much. As a child, however, Robin has not yet learned that technique, and simply resorts to pointing at whatever place she wants the limb to grow. She's beginning to figure out that this is a bad habit, though.
The Flower-Flower fruit may have granted her some spectacular powers, but it comes at the cost of her ability to swim. It's said that the sea hates anyone who would dare eat a devil fruit, and as a result, devil fruit users like Robin lose all of their strength when they become submerged in water. The more of their body is submerged, and the longer they are submerged, the less strength they have. As a result, falling in the water is a death sentence to devil fruit users unless they've got a friend nearby who can swim. There's also a particular gemstone in Robin's world - the sea prism stone - that has the same effect on devil fruit users, and as a result it's often used in prison cells and weapons intended for devil fruit users. Touching one of these stones is the equivalent of becoming completely submerged in seawater for Robin - it nullifies her powers and saps her strength entirely.
Name: McGwiggles
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devilofohara
Player Contact: My username is 'mcgwiggles' on both AIM and Plurk.
IC InformationTimezone: EST
Journal:
devilofoharaPlayer Contact: My username is 'mcgwiggles' on both AIM and Plurk.
Name: Nico Robin
Canon: One Piece
Gender: Female
Age: 8 years old
History: Link. Currently, only the 'Tragedy of Ohara' section applies.
Personality: Before the events at Ohara, Robin was a quiet girl who liked to read. The people in her life, generally speaking, weren't kind to her. Her father was dead, her mother was gone, and her aunt was particularly cruel to the young girl, so Robin preferred the world of books to any sort of social interaction that she was offered. The scholars in the Tree of Knowledge, a man named Clover specifically, were kind enough to take her in, and allowed her to check out almost any book she liked. They were very kind to her, and while Robin liked them all very much, she mostly took them up on their offer and spent the majority of her time reading.
Their kindness was, at least in part, due to the fact that her mother had been among their numbers, and had left the island on a secret mission to study the forbidden language of the Poneglyphs - giant stone monoliths that contained unstudied knowledge of their world's history. Such a task was extremely illegal, of course, and so they had to keep their studies a secret, even to Robin. Robin learned a lot history because of the books they lent to her, and gained a passion for archaeology, much like her mother. She learned of their secret studies, and began rigorously studying on her own, intent on passing her archaeologist's exam, in hopes that they would include her in studying the poneglyphs and that, one day, her mother would return to the island and be proud of what she had accomplished on her own. Robin accomplished this task at the age of 8 - a spectacularly impressive accomplishment for one so young, but to Robin's heartbreak, the other scholars would not include her in their studies, out of fear of bringing punishment down upon Robin as well if they were ever caught.
That is, until a Giant washed up on the far shore of Ohara. Robin discovered the shipwrecked man and did what she could to help him (admittedly not much, due to her tiny size compared to him, but he appreciated the effort nonetheless). The Giant, a man by the name of Jaguar D. Saul, received her kindness, and was kind to her in turn. They talked with each other, shared facts about themselves, and became friends in a very short time. Unlike the scholars of Ohara (who were kind and caring toward Robin, but were hardly parental figures), however, Saul saw the pain and the loneliness that Robin felt, and did more than just be kind to the girl: He encouraged her. He could tell that she was a bright kid, and that she was going to accomplish a lot in her life. While the other scholars gave Robin a way to make it through her present on the island, and a passion for the past, it was Saul who gave Robin a hope for her future.
Of course, shortly after meeting Saul, Robin's mother, Nico Olvia, returned to the island. She had been captured by the military, but had escaped through the help of a Vice-Admiral-turned-deserter named Saul (yes, that Saul), and came to warn the other scholars that the government knew of Ohara's connection to the Poneglyphs, and that they all had to escape. Her warning came too late, however, as the Marines were right on her trail. A few soldiers arrived on the island, shot Clover in front of everyone, and activated the Buster Call - causing the six nearby warships to rain hellfire down upon the island.
The scholars couldn't believe it - they weren't just being arrested for their crimes, their entire island was being made an example of! The scholars (including a wounded Clover and Robin's mother Olvia) ran to the Tree of Knowledge to try to save as much research as they could, at the cost of their own lives. It was the first time Robin had seen her mother since she was two years old, and so she begged to go with them, but the scholars would not let her. Olvia told Robin that she had to leave the island, to survive all this, and that as long as Robin was alive, the Scholars of Ohara would still exist, and the history of the Void Century would one day be revealed. It was the last time Robin would ever see her mother.
Saul grabbed Robin and tried to take her to the raft he had been building, in hopes that the two of them could both escape the island together. However, along the way there, they were attacked by one of the warships surrounding the island. Saul set Robin on the ground and destroyed the ship with relative ease (he was a Giant, after all, and so his strength was the stuff of legends). Unfortunately, this drew the attention of the then-Vice-Admiral Aokiji - a Devil Fruit User who was made of and could control ice. Saul knew he was outmatched by this opponent and told Robin to run. Aokiji froze Saul to death in front of Robin, but as he froze, Saul did his best to encourage her one final time. He told her that he knew she would be lonely after all this, but that no one was destined to be alone forever. He promised that somewhere, out on the open seas, people existed who would be true friends to Robin. He smiled as he froze, spending his last few moments of consciousness trying to comfort the poor, crying girl.
Robin ran after that. Aokiji caught up to her, of course, but allowed her to escape the island on a small rowboat, because she was only a child and because he respected Saul's sacrifice. He warned her, though, that he was not her friend, and that if she got into too much trouble, or if he caught her again, he would kill her himself. Robin would never forget this man's face or his name. He absolutely terrifies her.
Robin escaped from Ohara in tact, although the island had no other survivors. Afterwards, a bounty of 79,000,000 beri was placed on Robin's head under a false pretense. The wanted poster claimed she had single-handedly sunken six battleships using her devil fruit powers, but her true crime was learning how to translate the poneglyphs - a crime which apparently made her a terrible threat to the government itself.
Canon: One Piece
Gender: Female
Age: 8 years old
History: Link. Currently, only the 'Tragedy of Ohara' section applies.
Personality: Before the events at Ohara, Robin was a quiet girl who liked to read. The people in her life, generally speaking, weren't kind to her. Her father was dead, her mother was gone, and her aunt was particularly cruel to the young girl, so Robin preferred the world of books to any sort of social interaction that she was offered. The scholars in the Tree of Knowledge, a man named Clover specifically, were kind enough to take her in, and allowed her to check out almost any book she liked. They were very kind to her, and while Robin liked them all very much, she mostly took them up on their offer and spent the majority of her time reading.
Their kindness was, at least in part, due to the fact that her mother had been among their numbers, and had left the island on a secret mission to study the forbidden language of the Poneglyphs - giant stone monoliths that contained unstudied knowledge of their world's history. Such a task was extremely illegal, of course, and so they had to keep their studies a secret, even to Robin. Robin learned a lot history because of the books they lent to her, and gained a passion for archaeology, much like her mother. She learned of their secret studies, and began rigorously studying on her own, intent on passing her archaeologist's exam, in hopes that they would include her in studying the poneglyphs and that, one day, her mother would return to the island and be proud of what she had accomplished on her own. Robin accomplished this task at the age of 8 - a spectacularly impressive accomplishment for one so young, but to Robin's heartbreak, the other scholars would not include her in their studies, out of fear of bringing punishment down upon Robin as well if they were ever caught.
That is, until a Giant washed up on the far shore of Ohara. Robin discovered the shipwrecked man and did what she could to help him (admittedly not much, due to her tiny size compared to him, but he appreciated the effort nonetheless). The Giant, a man by the name of Jaguar D. Saul, received her kindness, and was kind to her in turn. They talked with each other, shared facts about themselves, and became friends in a very short time. Unlike the scholars of Ohara (who were kind and caring toward Robin, but were hardly parental figures), however, Saul saw the pain and the loneliness that Robin felt, and did more than just be kind to the girl: He encouraged her. He could tell that she was a bright kid, and that she was going to accomplish a lot in her life. While the other scholars gave Robin a way to make it through her present on the island, and a passion for the past, it was Saul who gave Robin a hope for her future.
Of course, shortly after meeting Saul, Robin's mother, Nico Olvia, returned to the island. She had been captured by the military, but had escaped through the help of a Vice-Admiral-turned-deserter named Saul (yes, that Saul), and came to warn the other scholars that the government knew of Ohara's connection to the Poneglyphs, and that they all had to escape. Her warning came too late, however, as the Marines were right on her trail. A few soldiers arrived on the island, shot Clover in front of everyone, and activated the Buster Call - causing the six nearby warships to rain hellfire down upon the island.
The scholars couldn't believe it - they weren't just being arrested for their crimes, their entire island was being made an example of! The scholars (including a wounded Clover and Robin's mother Olvia) ran to the Tree of Knowledge to try to save as much research as they could, at the cost of their own lives. It was the first time Robin had seen her mother since she was two years old, and so she begged to go with them, but the scholars would not let her. Olvia told Robin that she had to leave the island, to survive all this, and that as long as Robin was alive, the Scholars of Ohara would still exist, and the history of the Void Century would one day be revealed. It was the last time Robin would ever see her mother.
Saul grabbed Robin and tried to take her to the raft he had been building, in hopes that the two of them could both escape the island together. However, along the way there, they were attacked by one of the warships surrounding the island. Saul set Robin on the ground and destroyed the ship with relative ease (he was a Giant, after all, and so his strength was the stuff of legends). Unfortunately, this drew the attention of the then-Vice-Admiral Aokiji - a Devil Fruit User who was made of and could control ice. Saul knew he was outmatched by this opponent and told Robin to run. Aokiji froze Saul to death in front of Robin, but as he froze, Saul did his best to encourage her one final time. He told her that he knew she would be lonely after all this, but that no one was destined to be alone forever. He promised that somewhere, out on the open seas, people existed who would be true friends to Robin. He smiled as he froze, spending his last few moments of consciousness trying to comfort the poor, crying girl.
Robin ran after that. Aokiji caught up to her, of course, but allowed her to escape the island on a small rowboat, because she was only a child and because he respected Saul's sacrifice. He warned her, though, that he was not her friend, and that if she got into too much trouble, or if he caught her again, he would kill her himself. Robin would never forget this man's face or his name. He absolutely terrifies her.
Robin escaped from Ohara in tact, although the island had no other survivors. Afterwards, a bounty of 79,000,000 beri was placed on Robin's head under a false pretense. The wanted poster claimed she had single-handedly sunken six battleships using her devil fruit powers, but her true crime was learning how to translate the poneglyphs - a crime which apparently made her a terrible threat to the government itself.
Robin was a quiet girl before all that happened to her, but such events can't happen without changing a person irrevocably. Quietness turned to stoicism, as Robin became careful to show her emotions to anyone around her. She is still capable of smiling if she's putting on an act to keep from being discovered, but Robin's guard hasn't been down since she left her homeland. She sleeps with one eye open, doesn't trust anyone, and only stays in one place for a few days at a time, out of fear of being recognized. She's already been sold out by a few people in the short months since she left home, and with each incident her mistrust toward strangers has grown. She's even been forced to take another life already, despite being so young. She's become - or she's trying to become - cold and hard, so as to better survive in a world that would only see her dead.
She still cries sometimes, when no one is looking. She still laughs sometimes too, although only because Saul told her it would help her through the tears. She hasn't laughed genuinely in a long time. She wants to be stoic, to not let anything get to her, but Robin is still young, and she's still a few years away from truly pulling that off just yet.
Despite all this, Robin still has plans for the future. She wants to live, so that the Scholars of Ohara may continue to exist as an organization. She wants to study the Poneglyphs, as her mother did before her, and to discover the secret history of her world. Robin even hopes - almost despite herself, that she will one day meet the friends that Saul promised were out there for her, although Robin is beginning to lose hope on that last one, if she were honest with herself.
All-in-all, Robin is a young girl who has gone through more than anyone her age should ever have to go through, and it's forced her to become strong. She's got a tough life ahead of her, and it seems like everyone in the world is against her, but Robin is absolutely determined to live it as best she can and to accomplish her goals.
Which, of course, is why it's going to crush her when she finds out that she's dead.
Powers/Abilities: Robin's abilities come in 3 parts:
First and foremost is her intellect. Robin is still a child, but there's little doubt that she's a genius, particularly in the areas of language and history. She taught herself how to read the poneglyphs (a rare and incredibly illegal skill) at a young age, and without the help of a teacher or utor. Furthermore, she passed her archaeologist's exam - a test intended for adults - at the age of 8, and as such she is officially a archaeologist of Ohara.
The second noteworthy skill is her ability as an escape artist. Throughout the years, Robin will become cornered or captured by the military or other unfriendly groups many times, but she will always escape. It's something she becomes somewhat notorious for, and while this ability is clearly still developing at this point in her life, Robin has a lot of potential in this area.
The final, and most important ability Robin has are the powers granted to her by eating the Flower Flower Fruit. To put it simply, Robin can create copies of her body parts on any surface within a certain (currently unspecified) range of her body. The only rules this seems to follow are that the surface has to be solid and that she must know where the surface is. The copied body parts are usually arms, but she can technically "blossom" any body part on any surface - including fully functional eyes and ears. This can be extraordinarily useful in many ways, but if the copied body part becomes hurt, Robin feels the injury on her real body as well.
It's worth noting, however, that 8-year-old Robin is not a master of the Flower Flower Fruit yet. She hasn't come up with the complicated submission holds that her adult self has become known for. Furthermore, creating this many body parts at once takes quite a bit of concentration. As an adult, Robin crosses her arms to concentrate on the body parts she's creating without giving herself away too much. As a child, however, Robin has not yet learned that technique, and simply resorts to pointing at whatever place she wants the limb to grow. She's beginning to figure out that this is a bad habit, though.
The Flower-Flower fruit may have granted her some spectacular powers, but it comes at the cost of her ability to swim. It's said that the sea hates anyone who would dare eat a devil fruit, and as a result, devil fruit users like Robin lose all of their strength when they become submerged in water. The more of their body is submerged, and the longer they are submerged, the less strength they have. As a result, falling in the water is a death sentence to devil fruit users unless they've got a friend nearby who can swim. There's also a particular gemstone in Robin's world - the sea prism stone - that has the same effect on devil fruit users, and as a result it's often used in prison cells and weapons intended for devil fruit users. Touching one of these stones is the equivalent of becoming completely submerged in seawater for Robin - it nullifies her powers and saps her strength entirely.
Keepsakes/Mementos: BOOKS tbh. About her own world's history, preferably, but she'd gladly accept anything from the Tree of Knowledge. Also, matching wanted posters for Robin and her mother would be nice.
Sample: Oh God. Oh God. This was bad.
Robin knew she had been on that island too long. She should have left two days ago, really, but there was a stray dog on the island that had been so sweet to her. She had grown fond of her fellow stray, and had been reluctant to leave. Besides, it wasn't as if there was an over-abundance of Marines on this island, right?
Well, there hadn't been until a certain ship with a seagull on its sail found its way to the docks. Marines - even the Marines on shore leave who only want to get drunk - were a problem for her. As youngest person in the world with a bounty that high, Robin's face was well-known throughout the Marine ranks. And in attempting to stealthily escape from the town out of sight, Robin had had the misfortune of being spotted by a Marine on the way to the bar.
They made eye contact for a moment. Robin did her best to stay calm and keep walking like she had trained herself to, and for a brief moment she thought he didn't recognize her from her wanted poster. She turned and walked away, careful to keep an even pace, so as not to draw any attention to herself.
"Hey, wait a second."
Upon hearing those words, Robin broke into a full-blown sprint. She could hear the man shouting behind her, yelling for his comrades to put down their drinks and pick up their arms. She ran as fast as she could, knowing that once they organized they would be able to catch up to her fairly quickly - the legs of a full-grown marine are much longer and more powerful than those of a malnourished eight year old, after all.
She ran into the forest. One of her shoes came off, but she didn't have time to stop for it. She could hear the Marines behind her - they had organized much more quickly than she had hoped, they must not have had much to drink yet - but she didn't dare turn her head to see how many there were. She kept running, the air physically hurt as she drew each breath, straining her body as far as it would take her.
She turned, hoping to lose them in the underbrush, only to find herself facing a sheer cliff. Robin stopped, gasping for breath, and turned to see the 5 or six marines that had managed to keep up with her chase. Some were angry, some seemed pleased to have found such an elusive outlaw - it must have been a lucky break for them.
There was only one thing Robin could do. She pointed at the men, and copies of her arms appeared on their shoulders, grasping their necks as tightly as she could.
"Dose Fleu-"
A Marine, in a moment of panic, raised his gun as she choked him, and pulled the trigger.
There was a bang, and it all went dark. This was the end of the notorious Devil Child.
Mindset: Robin is definitely going to panic. She won't remember the specifics, just being chased by marines, being cornered, and then everything going dark. At first she'll assume that she's been captured, and that this is some Marine trick. That isn't going to last very long, however.
She'll eventually come to realize that, yes, she really is dead. After that, she'll cry and scream and try to escape. When they helped her escape, the victims of Ohara put a lot of weight on her shoulders - she was the last remaining scholar of Ohara. She was supposed to survive - to keep Ohara alive with her and to translate all the poneglyphs. The knowledge that she's failed this mission is going to eat at her a lot.
She's going to be particularly mistrustful of adults, especially any that profess any connection to a Navy, Marines, or a global government of any sort. Dead or not, she won't forget the things she's seen the Marines do, and she can't forget the fact that they're a looming presence in her life. Even adults who couldn't possibly be marines are treated warily. Her bounty poster is here, after all, and she's already been sold out enough times to know that she shouldn't be trusting anyone else with her safety.
G̶̶l̨͡i̵͢t̷c͝͠h̕é͠s̷̷͡: The destruction of Ohara was absolutely a defining moment in young Robin's life, in an extremely terrifying way. Things to do with the destruction of Ohara itself (the burning of the Tree of Knowledge and the destruction of a literal boatload of civilians in front of her, for example), the deaths of people she cared about (her mother and the other scholars burning to death, Clover getting shot, Saul being frozen to death) or just any reminder of the looming threat of the military are going to fuck with her a ton.
Also, if you're taking suggestions, it would be marvelous if the system took her name directly from her bounty poster, and referred to her as "Devil Child Nico Robin." Nothing quite like being unable to run f
Sample: Oh God. Oh God. This was bad.
Robin knew she had been on that island too long. She should have left two days ago, really, but there was a stray dog on the island that had been so sweet to her. She had grown fond of her fellow stray, and had been reluctant to leave. Besides, it wasn't as if there was an over-abundance of Marines on this island, right?
Well, there hadn't been until a certain ship with a seagull on its sail found its way to the docks. Marines - even the Marines on shore leave who only want to get drunk - were a problem for her. As youngest person in the world with a bounty that high, Robin's face was well-known throughout the Marine ranks. And in attempting to stealthily escape from the town out of sight, Robin had had the misfortune of being spotted by a Marine on the way to the bar.
They made eye contact for a moment. Robin did her best to stay calm and keep walking like she had trained herself to, and for a brief moment she thought he didn't recognize her from her wanted poster. She turned and walked away, careful to keep an even pace, so as not to draw any attention to herself.
"Hey, wait a second."
Upon hearing those words, Robin broke into a full-blown sprint. She could hear the man shouting behind her, yelling for his comrades to put down their drinks and pick up their arms. She ran as fast as she could, knowing that once they organized they would be able to catch up to her fairly quickly - the legs of a full-grown marine are much longer and more powerful than those of a malnourished eight year old, after all.
She ran into the forest. One of her shoes came off, but she didn't have time to stop for it. She could hear the Marines behind her - they had organized much more quickly than she had hoped, they must not have had much to drink yet - but she didn't dare turn her head to see how many there were. She kept running, the air physically hurt as she drew each breath, straining her body as far as it would take her.
She turned, hoping to lose them in the underbrush, only to find herself facing a sheer cliff. Robin stopped, gasping for breath, and turned to see the 5 or six marines that had managed to keep up with her chase. Some were angry, some seemed pleased to have found such an elusive outlaw - it must have been a lucky break for them.
There was only one thing Robin could do. She pointed at the men, and copies of her arms appeared on their shoulders, grasping their necks as tightly as she could.
"Dose Fleu-"
A Marine, in a moment of panic, raised his gun as she choked him, and pulled the trigger.
There was a bang, and it all went dark. This was the end of the notorious Devil Child.
Mindset: Robin is definitely going to panic. She won't remember the specifics, just being chased by marines, being cornered, and then everything going dark. At first she'll assume that she's been captured, and that this is some Marine trick. That isn't going to last very long, however.
She'll eventually come to realize that, yes, she really is dead. After that, she'll cry and scream and try to escape. When they helped her escape, the victims of Ohara put a lot of weight on her shoulders - she was the last remaining scholar of Ohara. She was supposed to survive - to keep Ohara alive with her and to translate all the poneglyphs. The knowledge that she's failed this mission is going to eat at her a lot.
She's going to be particularly mistrustful of adults, especially any that profess any connection to a Navy, Marines, or a global government of any sort. Dead or not, she won't forget the things she's seen the Marines do, and she can't forget the fact that they're a looming presence in her life. Even adults who couldn't possibly be marines are treated warily. Her bounty poster is here, after all, and she's already been sold out enough times to know that she shouldn't be trusting anyone else with her safety.
G̶̶l̨͡i̵͢t̷c͝͠h̕é͠s̷̷͡: The destruction of Ohara was absolutely a defining moment in young Robin's life, in an extremely terrifying way. Things to do with the destruction of Ohara itself (the burning of the Tree of Knowledge and the destruction of a literal boatload of civilians in front of her, for example), the deaths of people she cared about (her mother and the other scholars burning to death, Clover getting shot, Saul being frozen to death) or just any reminder of the looming threat of the military are going to fuck with her a ton.
Also, if you're taking suggestions, it would be marvelous if the system took her name directly from her bounty poster, and referred to her as "Devil Child Nico Robin." Nothing quite like being unable to run f
